I got a new phone today (dope!) and I have none of my old pictures. I can get them back but I really don’t want to…I mean there’s so much in there that has to do with Chris. And I really don’t need any reminder of him. Fresh start anyone?
Well now that I’m friends with Chris’s OTHER girlfriend of four months. It’s easy and clear to see that he is not the guy for me. Everything about our relationship seems fake thats the hardest part of it all. I’m fine with leaving an asshole that doesn’t care about me but to know that he faked me up till I fell for him is too far messed up for me to comprehend. I harbor no ill will towards him or her. It seems llike it should be harder to let go but I think I’ve just reallly reached my limit with him.
But of course, being true to myself, my new thing Cameron is quite impressive. We’ve been friends for a minute and he told me i was his best friend in colorado. But spending time with him is always fun. He knowsme pretty well and I like that. And already I’m being so honest with him and it feels sooo much better. I’m excited to see where this leads to…
I’m not ready to go back just yet but I do think i’ve narrowed it down between journalism and PR. I love planning and making a great event but I also have always had a love for writing. Either way I’m happy to be getting my mind right wit it all!
Went to Broncos stadium with jaime and bryanna (his EX). I was a little worried because ummm hello no girl wants her ex to bring another girl ANYWHERE. But it turns out she is cool af and a friend outside of him for sure. It was funny how much they reminded me of Chris and I. To go from happy to fighting in less than 20 seconds..very eye opening. BRIGHTSIDE only i can lose my wallet in a stadium and it stilll get returned phewwww.
Last night Chis and I went to dinner and spent all night talking about us. He apologized and really discussed what we want. I think we’re both unsure and there’s a lot to work on. But a part of us refuses to let go. Jaime said at this point we must be in love or completely stupid. We’re too stubborn to admit defeat. I could be happy without him I’m just not sure if i want to be without him. I wonder if he really cares about me or if he just doesn’t want to lose a trusty hoe.
What if sex really is that powerful. What if holding out is truly the way to get what you want from a man. Now a days it seem odd if you don’t sleep with a guy right off the bat. In fact if a guy didn’t sleep with a girl right away she would assume he didn’t like her. So if we hold out and really make a guy show he’s going to stick around will he really be wrapped around her finger?
I woke up feeling better. Sometimes when I get a plan in my head I forget that change takes time. It seems like it could really turn out to be a good day. I am definitely sick. But that just means i get to break out the dayquil. Mom said I might have mono. Hope it just a cold.
THINGS IM MAD ABOUT:
1. no control you chose wnhen you want me with no regard for me
2. I paid $20 for red box because you didn’t want to hang out or return it
3. i only “have” you part time
THINGS IM HAPPY ABOUT:
1. I really care about you
2. You deal w/ my shit
3. We mesh well
4.You’re who I want to be with
Just got home from closing at work tonight. Realized that there’s more days I’ve not been happy at work, not because work has sucked but just because my attitude has there’s no reason I should be stressed or unhappy to be at work. I’m really good at my job and I enjoy almost every aspect of it. It’ ridiculouw to wonder why my tips haven’t been as high when I haven’t been as enjoyable to be around. Another realization was that even though Chris isn’t perfect, I do enjoy having him in my life. More importantly-I’m really over cheating. It hit me that I was cheated on and have cheated. And nothing was gained. I don’t want that.I want to be able to look at Chris and know that we are both happy and faithful.